Konoha High
by Skelakitty92
Summary: Naruto and a group of friends get together to smoke some "salad". Really, there's no plot to this xD CRACK FIC, SASUNARU, YAOI, ONESHOT
"The dab life yo!" A young, blonde-haired male shouted. His eyes were a bright, crystal-blue color to go with perfectly tanned skin. On each cheek were three shallow whisker-like scars that he got when he was a little kid. People choose to believe he gave himself those, since he came from a broken family. His mother died during childbirth, and his father died in a car accident soon afterwards. They left their newborn infant in the care of his godfather, Jiraiya. They didn't always get along very well, taking the guy was an old pervert who got all of the ladies, all because he had money. Of course that was the reason why all of the young, beautiful women sleep with someone like him! It amazed him how people could be so desperate.

His bedroom was filled with a thick haze as everyone passed around the rig. This stuff was illegal here, making it extremely hard to get. Something like this was enough to send you to jail for life! Only those who have medical marijuana legalized can smoke it, and no one else. Simply bringing it over the border alone was a felony like no other. That is why so many people were gathered up today in the small, messy apartment. Nartuo lives all by himself now, so he doesn't have to worry about any of his family members finding his stash of bongs, pipes, bubblers, and green. Everything sat out on his desk right next to his desktop computer. Oh how he loved to eat ramen while playing video games...

"Heh! This Pineapple Express wax is the bomb..." A close friend of his stated. Large, red triangles were painted onto his cheeks. Even his canine teeth were larger than the average person's. This explains why he has such a strong obsession with dogs, preferably wolves. It didn't matter if people thought he looked ridiculous. This is who he was, and so he wasn't going to change a thing about himself. A beanie was propped up on his messy brown hair, which of course, had that big green leaf on it. That was just asking to be pulled over by the police!

"Dude, your eyes are so fricken bloodshot. What if your sister notices?" Like he wanted to lose everything over this! Naruto warned them all to be careful in not getting too toasted. What was he going to do now, keep him here overnight? He wasn't exactly prepared to have a sleepover. His floor was covered in empty ramen cups, leaving his bed the only available place... And he was not about to share it either!

The brunette rolled his eyes. Looks like someone was overreacting. "Relax, okay? I'll just keep my sunglasses on. No big deal..." He shrugged. "Now where did my Funions go..." With so much trash in this place, it was always hard to find things, and so easy to lose them.

The blonde's eye twitched with annoyance. "Not only is it getting dark out, but you also have the munchies like crazy. No need to inhale my entire stash and then go home to be busted by your sister. This shit ain't cheap and easy to get either..." He scoffed.

Shino, who had been quietly sitting in the corner the entire time, reached into his pocket to pull out a small spray bottle. And then without hesitation, he threw it at him. "Make sure to get the smell out of your clothes." Yup, he always came prepared. Did anyone appreciate it? Of course not.

Kiba caught the bottle in his hand and grinned. "I can always count on you man, hehe!" He chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. Heck, he wasn't even supposed to be here for this long. His sister told him to go to the grocery store. Well, he did buy them... But made the mistake of bringing them into the apartment. Nothing ever lasts long when his friends were around, that's for sure.

"Just don't tell your bitch of a sister where you were. I don't need her knocking on my door!" Naruto didn't really get along with her, but mainly because she was a cop. And she wouldn't hesitate to throw his ass in a cell for providing all of this stuff, especially for her younger brother. She is one strict person when it comes to following the law.

Shikamaru sighed at their bickering. Can't he ever just roll a joint in peace? Not to mention he was doing this on his lap, which wasn't very stable to begin with. Some of the ground up herb got on the floor, but he paid no attention to it. They can have those butters and waxes. All he wants, is to smoke a fat blunt like the one he was putting together. "Only an idiot would get caught..." He mumbled.

Just then the bedroom door swung open, and in came the final member of their group. Okay, so he was actually a huge noob when it came to smoking pot. With them all being eighteen and nineteen, they had just started college. This could very well get them kicked out for good, thus ruining their futures. "Itachi wanted to have dinner before I left..." The Uchiha stated, going over to take his usual spot... Which was right next to his best friend. The two were rather close for being more than just 'brothers', and everyone noticed it. Well it didn't help that neither one of them have had a girlfriend before. Dark eyes scanned the room before him, waving a hand in the air to indicate that there was too much smoke lingering.

Said best friend grinned as widely as he possibly could upon his arrival. "Sweet you're here! Did you pick up some extra salad?" He wasn't specific on the matter, but only because he assumed Mr. Popular already knew everything. He is one of the smartest students in college. Even in high school he was on par with Neji. Neither one of them have ever gotten along with each other, which wasn't a surprise to anyone.

"Hn. I am not a forgetful person, dobe..." Sasuke smirked. He then unzipped his backpack and pulled out a bag of lettuce, along with a variety of dressings to go along with it. And yes, he was definitely being serious about this. Being new to smoking the green, he didn't really know the different names to stuff like this. "I myself prefer the spring mix with a lot of vegetables... Especially tomatoes. No dressing though. It ruins the natural taste."

"..." The room fell completely silent as the rest of the group took this in. Was this guy being serious? Looks like he brought the wrong kind of green in. Naruto doesn't even eat that healthy shit! This was highly disappointing, since they all assumed the guy would come back with at least half an ounce. That way they could all get super ripped all night long... Excluding Kiba of course. He could not partake in something like that. And yet he still hasn't left yet. Was he too baked to move or something? His eyes were pretty puffy, making it seem like he was crying.

Naruto cleared his throat, trying not to lose his shit. "Did you seriously think we got together to _eat_ salad, ya damn teme? I don't know anyone who does that..." For being such close best friends, they sure had a lot of disagreements, which was the cause of all of their arguments.

Sasuke raised a brow at him then, opening the bag of spring mix lettuce and taking a few leaves out, plopping them into his mouth. "Have you ever even had a salad before?" He muttered, looking right at him. "You can't even tell what a salad is. It's like your body is made up of noodles and salty broth."

The blonde sputtered in disbelief. "E-excuse me? At least I'm not the one who brought salad to a party!" It wasn't even the right kind either. They can't get high off of that shit, so why would they eat it?

Kiba snickered from where he stood. "This is great. He brought lettuce to a pot-smoking gathering. Dude, the salad we were talking about was this." He said, holding up a little green nugget. Not like he could bring over much, since his sister does go through his things.

"..." Well no wonder why everyone was staring at him like he was crazy! Was that really what they called it? Guess it was the same color, but still! It felt like he was never going to get use to all of this. That he was going to continue falling behind. At least he didn't see any empty beer bottles laying around. It was a whole different experience being high and drunk. "You could have just said what it was over the phone."

"And risk getting caught? There's a reason why everything has nicknames to it, huh! The government listens in on people's conversations all the time." And Naruto just knew that they were hacking into their phones too.

Sasuke, very slowly, started putting his lettuce and dressings away, feeling slightly awkward now. He definitely did not know everything... No even close! He let out a heavy sigh as he sat there, wondering if it was for the best that he leave. Obviously he killed the mood by bringing over the wrong kind of salad, knowing they were counting on the other stuff. "I asked around, but no one was selling."

Just as Kiba was about to leave, he stopped dead in his tracks to look back at the Uchiha. "Don't tell me you went from person to person askin' for the stuff. That is the most stupidest thing you could have done! Ever heard of undercover cops? This is why you only ask people you know and trust..."

Naruto shook his head, not wanting to believe this. "I told you to go to Gaara. He has the best stuff in town! I mean, smell how dank this is-" He then proceeded to shove it in his face with the bag open. There were only a couple of little nuggets left, but that's fine. They were doing dabs for the most part anyways.

"...?!" Sasuke leaned back as soon as he took a big whiff of it. They thought this stuff smelled _good_? That was something he probably will never get. He made a strange face then, and plugged his nose. As much as he hates the smell, he really does love smoking it. All throughout his life, he was taught that this was bad for you, and was horrible for your health. Well here it helps cure and treat all types of cancers and diseases. Not to mention people didn't die from it, unlike alcohol where you can get poisoned from it. Either you die right away, or suffer from your liver failing. All pot does, is make you feel relaxed and chill. What was the harm in that? Especially if you are stressed out over something, it makes you feel better.

"Gaara had a lot to choose from, but I just picked a random sack. Apparently this here is White Russian." Even he didn't know all of the strands out there! But hey, some people are experts when it comes to this sort of thing.

"...White Russian? I thought pot was just pot." They're making this more complicated than it should be. He just wanted to smoke some green, not really caring what each strand was called. It all basically did the same to you, so who cares? Unless one is stronger than the other. If so, then that he could understand.

A bunch of coughing could be heard from Shikamaru, as he took a pretty big hit from his joint. Honestly, this was just a waste of pot... But he didn't care. It was he who brought most of it, being the sneaky person that he is. "What are we talking about again?" He asked, looking up at him with eyes glazed over.

Naruto facepalmed. And here they call _him_ the idiot. "I think you have had enough. Pass that thing around so that everyone can get a few hits off of it..." Was it a goal to get as high as they possibly could tonight? He wasn't informed on this then if it really was the case. His best friend could have at least brought something good to eat. His stomach felt like it was going to eat itself he was that hungry! His precious ramen was all gone, so he had nothing else to stop his stomach from growling loudly.

"Che." The Uchiha grabbed a bong, which was called a water pipe in tobacco stores, and noticed there was still a few hits left in it. What with there being a fresh stash of wax, everyone wanted to do dabs instead. Well...mostly everyone. The others have already left by now. Looks like Shikamaru just wanted to smoke his joints, which were his favorite. He pulled out a lighter from his pocket and lit only one part of the bowl, not wanting to waste too much of it, and inhaled deeply. He preferred this over smoking out of a plain old pipe. It was much more smoother, making it easier on the lungs.

He learned his lesson not to tip it and get bong water on himself though...

Kiba really didn't want to leave! But his sister was expecting him home an hour ago. Surprisingly she hasn't even called yet. Maybe she was busy with something else? It's not like she had a boyfriend. And most of her friends moved out of state. "See ya losers! We should do this again next weekend." He said with a small wave, and then turned around to leave the room. There was a path from the bedroom door to the front. Other than that, the floor was covered thick with ramen cups. By now he has gotten use to it.

"..." The blonde whacked Sasuke hard on the back, as if he were choking. "Don't hold it in for too long, teme. That's how you fuck your lungs up real bad..." You were supposed to hold it in, yes... But not for a minute or so. In the moment it felt as though he got sent into another dimension, but the next day his lungs were paying the price for something so stupid. "If you're aiming to get high faster, then force yourself to cough more. It helps..."

Sasuke flicked his ear, feeling a bit irritated. "But then I will get that awful burnt taste in my throat, and nothing helps sooth it." He managed to say, right before blowing all of the smoke into his face. What made things worse for him, was that he forgot his water bottle on the kitchen table. Now he was going to get a serious case of cotton mouth. He licked at his dry lips at the mere thought of it, and swallowed thickly.

"Yeah, you just get use to it after a while. Marshmallows are really good to eat when that happens though. It may not take away that taste and burning feeling, but it helps..." Shino suggested. Did they all forget that he was even here? It definitely wouldn't be the first time it has happened. What with him being so quiet all the time, it was no wonder people always forgot about him. It just couldn't be helped though, since this is who he was.

"Hn. Thank you, but I don't like sweets." Who _didn't_ know that? It was so damn annoying when girls always tried to give him chocolates on Valentine's Day, because he had to throw it all away in the garbage every single time. And it's not like they ever listened whenever he tried telling them either. They were so fixated on giving him their gifts, that nothing else mattered to them. And here he thought he made it very obvious that he was gay. Not a single woman has ever treated him with the respect he deserves. Plus they invade his personal space all the time on top of it!

Naruto couldn't help but chuckle at that one. "I have never seen him eat a piece of candy. He doesn't even eat cake on his Birthday!" The guy did love receiving those expensive vegetable platters though. They knew so much about each other, that sometimes it was just plain creepy. But at the same time, they have been friends ever since the two were babies. Right before Sasuke's parents were murdered, his mother took him and Itachi to the hospital to see the blonde. that was the last time Miikoto got to Kushina before the funeral. They too, were like sisters in a way due to their strong bond and friendship.

Shikamaru leaned back against the wall, just staring at them for a good few minutes. They were almost _too_ close, and so it made him wonder... "Do you remember that time when you guys kissed?" He smirked. No one else has forgotten about it, so neither one of them should have.

"Asfds!" A deep blush spread over the blonde's cheeks at that question, thinking back to that moment in middle school. Has it really been that many years? Yanking the bong from Sasuke's hold, he then sucked in a rather huge hit. Honestly, he was just trying to avoid the question. How does one even answer that? He shifted uncomfortably in the spot he sat in, trying to avoid a certain someone's gaze. Why the heck did it feel like his heart was going to burst out of his chest?! That is why he kept on taking hits, ignoring the fact that it was starting to make him feel light-headed, and even dizzy. And when he finally paused to take a short break, he found himself hacking a lung he was coughing so much.

Hopefully he doesn't throw up this time.

Sasuke smacked him alongside the head. "It wasn't even that bad. Here..." Shifting so that he was facing the idiot better, he then reached both hands out to cup his face in them. This was to make sure that he couldn't pull away as easily. And so without wasting a single minute, he then closed the distance between them by pressing his lips against those soft, plump ones. A kiss was just a kiss, simple as that. It's not like they were stirpped naked and having sex!

"...!" Naruto's entire body tensed up when this all happened, unsure of what to do next. Does he pull away and run out of the room? Or does he give into these...urges and kiss his best friend back? Guess the latter was going to win, since he found himself leaning in a bit more, his eyes now closed. This felt so much different than that time all of those years ago. His hands even came down to grasp at the Uchiha's waist.

Shino cleared his throat at the uncomfortable atmosphere. Well this wasn't supposed to happen. But then again, it shouldn't be a shocker if those two really did have those kind of feelings for each other. "Wow..." Was all he said.

"This is why I stay home..." Shikamaru muttered under his breath. Like he wanted to sit here and watch two dudes making out. Not that he was against gay couples, but because it was Sasuke and Naruto of all people! All they ever do is argue, so this was quite the difference... And very unexpected.

 _'Why can't I pull away from him? It's like my body is being drawn to his for some reason. Is it because my movements are being slowed down due to all the green I inhaled? Yeah, that has to be it!'_ He thought.

Sasuke's hands found their way into the blonde's hair, running his fingers through the soft locks. _'It smells like strawberries...'_ Despite living in a dirty apartment like this, Naruto always managed to smell like this. It did help that he used the more fruity shampoos and body washes. He wasn't even focused on the other two staring at them. It was like they were the only ones here in the room.

"Mm, give me your salad Sasuke!" Naruto moaned out quietly between kisses. It sounded pretty dumb saying it out loud like that, but he didn't care. He was in his own little world right now. But any normal person would have caught onto what he was saying. That is why he felt confused when Sasuke pulled away to unzip his backpack, digging through it.

"I thought you didn't want it, but okay..." The raven pulled out his bag of lettuce and held it out for Naruto to take. Obviously he wasn't going to rip their clothes off and jump his bones with other people in the room watching them. That is why he didn't catch on right away.

His entire body twitched, as blue eyes bore into the bag of spring mix lettuce. Why the hell did he whip that out again?! Something in him snapped then, as he literally tore the bag in half, causing the contents to fly everywhere. His patience has run completely dry now. He stood up and jabbed a finger at him, seething from pure frustration. "NOT WHAT I FRICKEN MEANT!" He snapped.

"..." Sasuke however, just sat there and stared at him during this outburst. Who knew he would lose his shit over something like this? It was clear that he didn't understand what was going on. If Naruto already has pot and doesn't want actual salad, then what was he talking about? Even he was getting frustrated now! Not to mention such perfectly good salad was just wasted, when it could have been eaten. "You owe me a new one..." He stated with an emotionless expression.

Screeching was heard all of a sudden, as he found himself on the floor.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This is purely a crack fic. I didn't even have a plot planned out for this, so it's really random. Just like how I threw in some SasuNaru at the very last minute lmao.


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